The Strange Days Have Come…

I feel like my entire moral fiber is being tested recently.  With EVERYONE in my life I feel I have an issue.  Something major, something that I cant not care about or forget.  Do I tell people what I think and risk loosing them?  Cause if Ive learned anything is that you can know the truth; if the other person isnt ready to hear it…they’ll ditch YOU instead of fixing the problem!  I dont feel like anyone sees life the way I do for the most part.  I dont know, I feel like EVERYTHING is changing, like my whole reality has shifted…

I feel like Im being tested…but for once Im stepping up to the plate! I’m moving forward!  But its like going forward when the world not so much is going backwards but more like TOPSY TURVY WHICH WAY IS UP.  So does being the only sane person in the world make you crazy?  Either I’m changing and growing out of ALOT of people, or they’re changing too and we just havent finished yet…?  Or maybe, hopefully, transition will help us all be better?

Anyways if I didnt have my boyfriend, my lover, my life partner really; i would REALLY be lost.  He is my rock, my friend.  He sees me, he leaves me be, he loves me and I love him.  We are FAR from having a normal relationships, whatever normal is supposed to be.  And we dont always come off as being what we really are when we’re home together, in our day to day lives.  I really believe we’re in this together, and that makes me happier than anything

And after a LONG (incredibly) long period of limbo, like I mentioned I am finally moving forward. At MY own speed and it feels like I’m at the right place.  In my career mostly, but also in my dealing with my past, my ghosts, my questions.  Ive made the right choice…and I’m ready.  Fear does not paralyze me and my anger makes me  stronger cause my anger is no longer paralyzing either…

Lost

I feel completely lost right now…AGAIN!  I want to believe that eventually we all find our way and in the end it doesnt matter how you get there or not…You WILL find what you are supposed to do in this world!  I just don’t know anymore…What if we dont?  What if I really am broken and I wont ever find what I’m supposed to do with my life?  And in all this time of not knowing what to do with MY LIFE you’d think I’d have at least found myself!  Nope! you’d be wrong!

See after 7 years in university, Ive gained one Bachelor’s and  2 courses short of the second one…I have NO clue where I’m going.  Well…I thought I did.  I wanted to get a certification as a Holistic Health Practitioner.  Then with my certification in Guided Imagery I could be a therapist…Ugh but now Its like thats impossible: ‘

‘a bachelors isn’t enough anymore”  -what about almost 2 I ask

”RHN’s have hard time finding work”  – what if you are also a therapy consultant I say!

‘’student loans are so hard to pay off”  – I’ll make money You’ll See!

”is there a market for this”  – this one I know to be true but the question is do I FIT in that market?

I just don’t know…where I’m going

I feel that for the longest time I havent been MOVING!  Like I have a forcefield around me…I can move a little but not anywhere significant

…and here I am rambling on about this…still…not…moving…

I just want a decent job where I can feel I make a difference…and make a difference in myself at the same time

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D-Tox…New Blogger

Kinda feels appropriate…Detox from toxic people, things, lifestyle. I’m at a crossroad in my life. I’m done university (for good this time) and looking to get accredited in Natural Health. But in the same time, I’ve learned over the past months that my father (whom I’ve never met) is in the area after being M.I.A. for 20 years and I’m struggling with the reality that I need to take steps to meet him, regardless of the outcome, so I can move past not knowing him… This has been a very exhausting period for me. By far the hardest time of my life: the quarter life crisis it seems hit 3 years later than the 25 year mark *lol*

This being said I get brief feelings of being more grounded, more centered in my life. I live in the now, even if only for a short time. I’m letting myself dream, and I know I’m getting there…career wise, closer to getting my home, and my life together.

So this is what this blog is going to be for me: D-Tox!