The Strange Days Have Come…

I feel like my entire moral fiber is being tested recently.  With EVERYONE in my life I feel I have an issue.  Something major, something that I cant not care about or forget.  Do I tell people what I think and risk loosing them?  Cause if Ive learned anything is that you can know the truth; if the other person isnt ready to hear it…they’ll ditch YOU instead of fixing the problem!  I dont feel like anyone sees life the way I do for the most part.  I dont know, I feel like EVERYTHING is changing, like my whole reality has shifted…

I feel like Im being tested…but for once Im stepping up to the plate! I’m moving forward!  But its like going forward when the world not so much is going backwards but more like TOPSY TURVY WHICH WAY IS UP.  So does being the only sane person in the world make you crazy?  Either I’m changing and growing out of ALOT of people, or they’re changing too and we just havent finished yet…?  Or maybe, hopefully, transition will help us all be better?

Anyways if I didnt have my boyfriend, my lover, my life partner really; i would REALLY be lost.  He is my rock, my friend.  He sees me, he leaves me be, he loves me and I love him.  We are FAR from having a normal relationships, whatever normal is supposed to be.  And we dont always come off as being what we really are when we’re home together, in our day to day lives.  I really believe we’re in this together, and that makes me happier than anything

And after a LONG (incredibly) long period of limbo, like I mentioned I am finally moving forward. At MY own speed and it feels like I’m at the right place.  In my career mostly, but also in my dealing with my past, my ghosts, my questions.  Ive made the right choice…and I’m ready.  Fear does not paralyze me and my anger makes me  stronger cause my anger is no longer paralyzing either…

Lost

I feel completely lost right now…AGAIN!  I want to believe that eventually we all find our way and in the end it doesnt matter how you get there or not…You WILL find what you are supposed to do in this world!  I just don’t know anymore…What if we dont?  What if I really am broken and I wont ever find what I’m supposed to do with my life?  And in all this time of not knowing what to do with MY LIFE you’d think I’d have at least found myself!  Nope! you’d be wrong!

See after 7 years in university, Ive gained one Bachelor’s and  2 courses short of the second one…I have NO clue where I’m going.  Well…I thought I did.  I wanted to get a certification as a Holistic Health Practitioner.  Then with my certification in Guided Imagery I could be a therapist…Ugh but now Its like thats impossible: ‘

‘a bachelors isn’t enough anymore”  -what about almost 2 I ask

”RHN’s have hard time finding work”  - what if you are also a therapy consultant I say!

‘’student loans are so hard to pay off”  - I’ll make money You’ll See!

”is there a market for this”  - this one I know to be true but the question is do I FIT in that market?

I just don’t know…where I’m going

I feel that for the longest time I havent been MOVING!  Like I have a forcefield around me…I can move a little but not anywhere significant

…and here I am rambling on about this…still…not…moving…

I just want a decent job where I can feel I make a difference…and make a difference in myself at the same time

dancing…is art

gonna be a short one…its wicked late.  but as I was watching So You Think You Can Dance I realized: dancing is art!  Singing you really have to be born with, same as acting.  but dancing; while you do need some natural born inclination; is totally art.  And I mean this in a good way.  It’s something a person sculpts, works at and develops and man do I ever think its amazing.  Its totally art in movement and well I really wish there were dance classes close by when I was growing up.

Pop Music Personas


I must admit the state a music in this day and age is pretty bad! Nowhere is this more obvious that in popular music. The level to which new artists are peddled on us; sounding and looking like everyone before them is absurd. That being said, there are still some exciting artists out there who unfortunately can get lost in the sea of conformity. Here’s MY take on some of the choice pop artists of today.

I don’t think anyone can talk of pop without starting with Madonna. Though she is a bit less innovative and risqué today, Bitch has got some serious game! She’s been in it for ever, every new pop tart wants to be like her; or at least have a career like hers. Madonna is the queen of pop. Her ever changing style and music is the reason we still consider her the queen. She’s fearless, sexy and fabulous. I mean the woman knows how to be sexier than most young girls and she does it with class…unlike Mariah who seems to get tackier with every new album. Of course vocally Mariah can out-sing Madonna any day; but I’ve never cared for Maria’s voice or her songs, even way back when. Madonna’s music is catchy, deep and controversial…I think she has been a pioneer all her musical life and she continues to be today.

Janet, Miss Jackson if your nasty. Well her last album was definitely less of a success than her previous endeavors. Sadly the people of America collectively lost their minds with the sight of her nipple and I don’t think she even realizes how much that could possibly have affected her career. Was it a stunt or not its definitely NOT the big deal it was made out to be. Janet remains a force to be reckoned with in pop music. Its a shame people seem to have forgotten this, I suppose being a Jackson is hard enough, she was walking on thin ice; as it were.

I have to come out and say it: I am hopelessly in love with Justin Timberlake! There! I’ve said it! Its on record! I mean besides having a great voice and vocal range, the guy can move. He’s got more charisma than any male performer I’ve seen in a looooooooong time. Never mind the fact that all this makes him even more gorgeous than he actually is. The guy is irresistible! I am completely mesmerized whenever he’s on screen. He’s certainly going in the right direction with his career too. Working with top producers and writers and pop acts alike. He’s one of the few musicians-turned-actors who seems to really be able to act. And he doesn’t just take any part; he’s not trying to come out as the headliner of any movie. And to me that speaks volumes about him as a person and makes me love him even more!

Since we’re on the subject of males musicians I’m in love with, we might as well move on to Chris Brown. While I know his voice isn’t nearly as strong as many of his contemporaries his dancing more than makes up for any and all of it. He could have given Michael Jackson a run for his money and this is coming from a very hard core MJ fan who grew up to Billy Jean and Thriller and wanted to believe in the gloved one till the very end. Watching Chris Brown dance gives me goose bumps. He’s completely fluid and seems to move effortlessly. He’ s absolutely adorable ( ask Princess Rihanna ;) ) and while he may not be the best singer out there I thoroughly enjoy his music and his voice. I do think many people behind him are trying to make him into the next Michael Jackson a little too much, and I do see quite a few similarities but I think we’re due for another performer to take our breathes away.

Well I cant like ‘em all folks. That being said I am sorry for the hoards of Usher fans who will want to see me dead. I am NOT a fan. Some of his tunes are catchy that’s for sure. And the guy can sing. And I also know he puts hours upon hours into learning choreography and works harder than I could ever imagine. And I also know the guys has a six pack. I still cant stand him. He’s so full of himself its not even funny and really I don’t think he moves all that great. Like I never thought Britney danced all that great either. They learn the steps sure, but they come off robotic and manufactured. I’m not saying every other artist on here isn’t manufactured. I don’t know, I used to like Usher when he came out. Now I think he’s ego’s gotten bigger than he ever could. I hate that everyone thinks he’s the best dancer out there. And he just really reminds me of Gary Coleman.

Speaking of ego: Beyoncé. Another talent I used to like. Can we say OVEREXPOSED?! Solo Career, Destiny’s Child, Movies, Make Up, Perfume, Cell Phones!?? I mean seriously; shouldn’t someone in her camp be telling her she’s saturating the market and guaranteeing a fall back and well people are gonna get sick of her…a lot already are. Yes the girl can sing, but I’m overdosed on her vocal acrobatics and whining. She definitely can dance but when she goes into her ‘’stream of consciousness’’ freestyle moves I wonder if she’s having a seizure. I really wish she hadn’t gotten her big inflated head into everything, cause I miss the days where I loved her.

I definitely have nothing but love for Beyoncé’s would be rival and the rightful heiress to the throne; Rihanna. I adore this girl. You cant deny that she lacks a bit in the voice department; I must she has shown incredible improvements. Anyways I never thought her voice was bad and at least she has the balls to sing live unlike many of her pop tart counterparts who got famous regardless. Rihanna has talent, she can control her vocal range with incredible ability: what has been called vocal ‘’innuendo’’ ; she plays with her voice. That being said I absolutely am head over heels with her songs. The beats are amazing, I like both her slow songs and her up tempo songs as well and that’s a rarity for me. I must admit I loved her straight out coming out with Pon de Replay and ever since, but man when this chick cut her hair and dyed it black; I fell in love. So rarely do we see women doing anything even slightly ”outside the box” in music nowadays. Rihanna herself has stated that her label wanted her to keep her long flowy blond hair. She is absolutely gorgeous however she does her hair or whatever else. I am thoroughly obsessed; enough said.

On to my previous obsession : Xtina or Christina Aguilera. I, unlike most others preferred Xtina during her ‘’Dirrty’’ phase. I loved the piercings and hair extensions, I definitely preferred the make up; and I have to admit not being able to look at Miss Aguilera the same since the one or two implants she’s gotten. Vocally the girl is OUT OF THIS WORLD. No one can touch her. I do still enjoy most of her songs and the girl has got talent and style. I just have a hard time with the ‘’Marylyn Monroe’’ phase seeing as its been done my her MADGEsty’’. Xtina does deserve to be the ‘’It’’ girl seeing as she played second best to our next topic…

Ah Britney Spears…how I spent days and nights bitching about your lack of talent, your unjustifiable fame and your need for attention. All this changed after the MTV Music awards where Britney BOMBED during the performance seen around the world. I sat; jaw dropped, watching her look like an out of it mess and I couldn’t help but feel awful. Poor girl has never really been in control of her career; that kind of thing must take its tole. Her last cd was by far the best I’ve ever heard sadly. I had a hard time listening to it though; without picturing her dead eyes looking towards me. I sincerely hope she gets herself ok again.

Last but definitely not least, Ciara. I did like this girl right away…girl can DANCE like Miss Janet in her prime!! She looks hot, she’s got her own sound. For me after her first single she kinda got lost in the crowd, but seeing her dance in ‘’Like a Boy’’ on top of the meaning of that song; well I’m hooked. Love her attitude, her style and her talent. Cant wait to see more from this one thats for sure!

D-Tox…New Blogger

Kinda feels appropriate…Detox from toxic people, things, lifestyle. I’m at a crossroad in my life. I’m done university (for good this time) and looking to get accredited in Natural Health. But in the same time, I’ve learned over the past months that my father (whom I’ve never met) is in the area after being M.I.A. for 20 years and I’m struggling with the reality that I need to take steps to meet him, regardless of the outcome, so I can move past not knowing him… This has been a very exhausting period for me. By far the hardest time of my life: the quarter life crisis it seems hit 3 years later than the 25 year mark *lol*

This being said I get brief feelings of being more grounded, more centered in my life. I live in the now, even if only for a short time. I’m letting myself dream, and I know I’m getting there…career wise, closer to getting my home, and my life together.

So this is what this blog is going to be for me: D-Tox!